Goetta Load of This: Cincy's Sausage Secret

Recently my dad was at a buffet at a riverboat casino and he came across a strange brownish substance labeled "goetta." He asked one of the buffet workers what it was. "It's oatmeal mixed with pork products," she said.

Makes your mouth water, doesn't it?

As it turns out this is a gross (in so many ways) misrepresentation of an unusual and awesome breakfast meat found almost exclusively in Cincinnati, Ohio, and some surrounding areas of Ohio, Kentucky, and Indiana. You wonder why it's so localized until you hear people disseminating it as "oatmeal with pork products" like it's the world's most disgusting cereal.

What Goetta Is, and Don't You Forgoetta

Goetta is believed to have been created by poor German-American immigrants as a way to make meat last longer by the addition of a grain filler. In this sense it is somewhat similar to scrapple, which probably doesn't help at all unless you're the sort of person who says "y'all" without irony in normal conversation. But the comparison is made so frequently that I decided to look up scrapple. It's a blend of cornmeal and flour and hog "offal," which must be so called because it's made from the most "offal" parts of the animal. So basically it's a step or two above Spam. This isn't helping.

Because goetta isn't anything like Spam. Modern-day goetta uses both better quality meat and some seriously high-quality filler; in fact it's the "filler" that separates goetta from ordinary breakfast meat and makes it so unique. See, goetta is made with steel-cut or "pinhead" oats. These are pieces of the inside of an oat kernel, and they're different from your garden-variety oatmeal because they aren't "rolled," i.e. smashed into flaky little oat pancakes. They look like little grains of rice, and they impart a nutty flavor and chewy texture, making goetta crispy, chewy, meaty, flavorful, and in all other ways awesome for any carnivore and/or breakfastophile. If you like any kind of sausage you will love goetta, and that's not all.

"Healthy" and "Sausage," Togoetta at Last

The pinhead oats lend goetta some amazing bonus nutritional value. It is actually a source of whole grains and wholesome oat-y vitamins. It also has at least 2 grams of fiber for serving, which is a lot when compared to, say, bacon. Goetta is also, partly because of the oats and partly because of the way it's made, lower in fat than traditional sausage.

The Glier's website awkwardly claims that goetta has "nearly half the fat of the other [types of sausage, presumably]," and some casual research seems to back this up. 2 ounces of regular goetta will net you 12 grams of fat. Bob Evans sausage will run you about 15, and Jimmy Dean weighs in at an artery-gluing 20. Note, however, that Goetta doesn't have too many fewer raw calories than regular sausage. It's better for your heart but can still be bad for your ass if you don't watch the portions.

But like I say, main point, goetta is really, really good. It does well as a breakfast side, obviously, in patties, or, as my in-laws like it, simply as a hash. There are also plenty of goetta recipes out there for the more adventurous. Glier's also makes beef and turkey goetta (only 5 grams of fat for the turkey version, FYI), and has recently introduced goetta brats and goetta burgers in case you want to have a goetta tailgate party. Who dey, am I right?

If you want to learn more about goetta, I've provided some links on the right. The Glier's website is a good resource if you don't mind a lot of poetic language that makes the experience of eating goetta sound disturbingly like making love, only more intense and satisfying. If you live outside the small circle around Cincinnati where goetta is available in stores and the odd restaurant I've provided a link so you can order it online. And if you're really, really adventurous you can try making homemade goetta.

Or, you know, you could just mix some turkey giblets in with some cream of wheat and invent your own dish. I know of at least one casino that'd be willing to serve it.